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In my last post, I talked about how to overcome your self-doubt. Now it’s time for you to add a few new tips to help you focus or re-focus on your goal. Have you ever set a goal and felt motivated the first day? Then as the days turn into weeks then into months, your motivation fades. This loss of motivation can lead you to beat yourself up and add to your negative self-talk about how you can’t achieve anything. It’s time to overcome this narrative and put a new plan in place. These 7 tips will help you focus on any goal you want to accomplish.
1. Remember why you set the goal in the first place.
Do you remember you created the goal? Think about how bad you wanted it back then. What led you to want to reach this goal? Why was it important at that time? Do you still want to achieve it? If so, commit to working as hard as you did in the beginning.
Don’t beat yourself up because you feel you have wasted time not working toward your goal. Accept that this is the reality of the situation and you are deciding now to re-commit to your goal. Stop moping and get moving. If your goal is no longer important to you, then dump it, and move to a new one.
2. Are you saying no enough?
One obstacle that may be getting in your way could be your struggle to say no to those that make demands on your time. If you are continuing to say yes and don’t take time to work on yourself, it can be impossible to meet your goal. Try to say no a few times each week. You will be amazed at how much extra time you have in your day.
For example, if your goal is to have a better work-life balance, then you need to get better at saying no to others. Start by identifying why you want a better balance. Is it to decrease stress, spend more time with your family, or have more time for yourself? To work towards this goal, you need to figure out why you want to accomplish it. This will be the motivation that helps you stay on track. Your motivation for your goal will be a reminder of why it is so important.
3. Expect to be lonely at times.
The road to achieving your goal can be a lonely one. It’s hard for people to stay motivated, inspired, and moving forward. Think about your friends, coworkers, and family members. How many of them tell you their goals versus how many accomplish them? Reaching goals can be tough.
This is why so many people don’t reach their goals. The road to success is lonely so don’t be surprised if you are the only one showing up each day working hard towards your success. If it were easy, more people would be doing it.
4. Make sure your deadline is reasonable.
Are you an expert at setting unrealistic deadlines for achieving your goals? It’s not that you want to set yourself up to fail, but you may often think that you have more time in the day than the 24 hours allotted.
For example, if your goal is to complete a home improvement project in four months make sure that it is a realistic time frame. If you are one month into the project and realize that it is impossible to meet your goal date, then you need to adjust your timeframe. You may even mentally beat yourself up a bit because you have to move back your deadline. In reality, it doesn’t matter to anyone but you that you had to change your timeline. In your goal setting, don’t set yourself up to fail with an unachievable and unrealistic deadline.
5. Don’t let your fear of failure dominate you.
You don’t want to fail at your goal, and you are fearful that this might happen. However, if you allow your fear of potential failure overwhelm you, then you may become stuck and afraid to take the next step. Your fear that you may fail can be a great excuse for why you can’t accomplish your goal. You are not consciously wanting to fail or using it as an excuse. This happens automatically for many people.
For example, if your goal is to walk/run a 5K next month and you tell yourself that you know you can’t do it because you don’t have enough time to train, then this may be your fear of failure surfacing. If you make a plan to participate in the 5K and you think that you may not be able to accomplish it, then your fear of failure keeps you from taking action to start. You have total control over your fears. You are the only one who can actively work to dial down your fear of failure. Once you do this, then you will be unstoppable in reaching your goal.
6. Make sure you ask for help.
Are you a superhero that can tackle any and everything you face? If you are, then you don’t have any problems reaching your goal. Since you are not, it is time for you to begin to ask for help. Remember, even superheroes ask for help sometimes.
Look at the goal you want to accomplish and ask yourself who can help you reach it quicker. Do you know someone who has achieved a similar goal? Have you seen someone online who has accomplished this goal? Don’t be afraid to reach out for tips, techniques, and assistance from these individuals. If you are worried that you will be judged for asking for help, then you need to get over yourself. Most people are too wrapped up in their drama to judge you. If they do, then it’s their issue, not yours. Reach out, get support, and ask for help.
7. You control what gets in your way.
You have more control in your life than you realize. When you are stressed and overwhelmed it can feel like many things are out of your control. However, in looking at your goal, identify the specific things that you have control of. These are the things that you can keep out of the way that may prevent you from accomplishing your goal.
For example, if your goal is to be more active and lose weight so that you can improve your confidence, then there are many things you have control over. You decide whether you want to do something active today or skip it to relax because you are tired. You don’t take time to meal prep for the week on Sunday because you are busy taking care of everyone else. These are two factors that can quickly get in the way of accomplishing your goal. You are the only one that decides and allows these to interfere. Take accountability and responsibility for what you have control over. This will help you achieve your goal quicker.
You will always have goals that you want to accomplish. Start working smarter and not harder to accomplish them using a few of these tips. What are a few tips that help you achieve your goals? Are there any tips I forgot to mention? Share them with me in the comment section below. Next week, I will focus on the debilitating power of your expectations.
In my last post, I shared how to turn your New Year’s resolution into a lifestyle change. This week I want you to learn how to silence your self-doubt. Your self-doubt can debilitate you from accomplishing your goals.
You have worked hard to create your goals so don’t let your self-doubt bury them. To do this, you need to understand how self-doubt attacks you and how you can silence if for good.
Self-doubt is your inner critic. It is the negative narrative that tells you that you can’t do something or that you aren’t good enough. It can trick you into thinking it is real. Each person’s self-doubt looks different.
Ask yourself the following questions so that that you can better understand your specific self-doubt.
1. What words or phrases does my self-doubt use?
Think about your pattern of self-doubt and what words it uses.
2. What types of thoughts or events trigger your self-doubt?
For example, is it when you try something new or for the first time? Does your self-doubt get triggered when you make a mistake? Does it attack you when you aren’t feeling positive about yourself or the situation?
You have to know what your self-doubt looks and sounds like so that you can recognize it. You now have a better understanding of how your self-doubt surfaces and you are ready to silence it.
Show your self-doubt that you are in charge
Think about self-doubt on a scale of 0-10. Just like a knob turns from 0-10, your self-doubt can be silenced when it appears. When your self-doubt is the loudest, it is at a 10, and when it is quiet, it is at a 1.
When self-doubt gets triggered and begins to tell you all of the negative things about yourself, I want you to think of turning it down just as you would a knob. Depending on the situation, you may not be able to turn it to a 0, but you can dial it down a few levels. Do you see the power you have? Your ability to dial it down is in your hands. It may sound too simple, but it does work. Dial down the knob when your self-doubt appears.
Your self-doubt will be silenced
You are in control, not your self-doubt. Your inner critic is operated by you, no one else. Now you know what it looks like, when it gets triggered, and how you can actively silence it.
Remind yourself that you have beat self-doubt in the past. When was the last time you experienced self-doubt, and you overcame it? Think about your favorite mantra or quote that motivates you when you encounter self-doubt. Use it as a tool to help remind you that you are in control and more powerful than your self-doubt.
When are times in your life that self-doubt sneaks in? What helps you keep self-doubt at a minimum? Share them with me in the comment section below. Next week, I will focus on the debilitating power of your expectations.
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In last week’s post, I provided you with evidence of why you are good enough and can tackle anything in your life. This week in preparation for the end of 2017, I want you to avoid a New Year’s resolution and adopt a lifestyle change.
You make New Year’s resolution every year around this time. Do you remember what your resolution was for last year? Were you able to accomplish it? How long did you stay motivated to work on your resolution? You have spent too much time not reaching your goals. This year do something different. You need to avoid making a New Year’s Resolution and instead make a lifestyle change. I am now accepting clients for 1:1 coaching to create a lifestyle change, click here for more details. Here are the five steps to get the permanent changes you are looking for.
Step 1: Make a list of changes you want in 2018.
Write down every change that you want to happen in your life over the next year. Think of this as the brainstorming stage so don’t hold back. Come up with at least five changes you desire. Be very specific with your changes.
Step 2: Look back at your list and pick three changes.
You have to be realistic, that is the difference in a resolution and a permanent lifestyle change. Even if you made a list of 20 changes, only pick three for the year. You can always add more if you achieve and maintain the three you picked.
Step 3: What are you willing to do different in your life to achieve your goals?
Look back at the three changes you picked. For each change, write out what you are willing to do to accomplish it. Identify at least five things you will do to achieve each goal. Ask yourself, “What am I willing to do differently in my life?” For example, if you want to lose 25 pounds then you need to be willing to meal prep for the week every Sunday. You already know that the type of food you consume plays a big part in weight. If you aren’t willing to meal prep every Sunday, then you may not reach your goal.
Step 4: Start now, don’t wait until January 1st.
A lifestyle change is permanent and doesn’t require a start date in the future. Begin to make your changes today. If you wait until January 1st, then you are treating it as a New Year’s Resolution, not a lifestyle change. Start this process as soon as you read this post. There is no better time than the present.
Step 5: Build an accountability network.
You can do this on your own, but it will be much harder. Find someone to help hold you accountable. Find someone you can talk to about your progress and struggles. Whether it’s a friend, support group, family member, or therapist, don’t do this by yourself. Find someone that will check in with you and ask you where you are in your growth. Whether you reach out to me to be your accountability coach or someone else, you deserve help.
Now get started
You now know the five steps to get started. No more excuses or reasons why you can’t take action. You can do this, and you deserve to reach your goals. No one can do it for you. Could you benefit from an accountability coach or someone to help you develop a plan to achieve your goals this year? I am now taking clients for 1:1 coaching for more information visit here.
What three goals do you want to work on this year? What are you willing to do differently? How bad do you want to accomplish these three goals this year? Share them with me in the comment section below. Next week, I will share what I learned about myself and life in 2017.
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In last week’s post, I shared how you can use failure as a pivot and motivation to find a new opportunity. This week I want to remind you that you are good enough. You can improve your self-esteem, self-image, and the narrative in your mind with these reminders.
You need to see the proof and evidence that you are enough. In your relationship, friendships, job, and family, you are good enough. If you don’t believe me, here are five reminders.
1. You have been through much harder things in life.
The current situation you are facing may lead you to question if you have what it takes. There is no need to ask this question. You have the strength it takes to get through it. You have done it before and you will do it again.
2. Don’t expect an ordinary and normal life.
No one has an ordinary life without challenges and obstacles. You weren’t dealt ordinary and normal circumstances in life. You have been through situations that some people wouldn’t even believe were true. You survived all of them. Your determination, intuitiveness, and perseverance are what keeps your head above water. You are an extraordinary person so why would you expect to have an ordinary life.
3. You keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You always bounce back when faced with adversity. No matter what obstacles come your way, you keep moving forward. You don’t give up unless you have given it your all. You are resilient and able to bounce back after hard times. This is proof that you are good enough to handle whatever life throws at you.
4. No one can give you more validation than you can.
It feels good to hear from others of how well you are doing. However, the best validation is when you can give it to yourself. You often don’t want to hear others when they compliment you. The best validation is when you give yourself credit. You don’t expect someone to fill you up and you know that it’s your job to do this.
5. You know that you are all you have.
You know how to reach out to friends or your partner when you need support. However, you realize that at the end of the day, you are solely responsible for caring for yourself. If you don’t do it, no one will do it for you. Your independence and honesty with yourself is a huge strength. You aren’t in denial and value your realistic outlook. You know that through hard work, you can accomplish your goals.
Create your own reminder
Every one of us has a small voice inside that tries to guide us along our path. Sometimes we listen to it and other times when we don’t want to hear it, so we ignore it. I want you to embrace your inner voice and allow it to help you to move forward. If it has a negative message, challenge, and change. Make it work for you versus against you. Begin to create a reminder of why you are good enough.
What are your internal messages or narrative that help you stay positive? What helps you remember just how strong of a person you are? Share them with me in the comment section below. Next week, I will share what I learned about myself and life in 2017.
In last week’s post, I shared three steps on how to overcome your fear and get on with your life. Now that you have moved through your fears, it’s time to work on failure. Every one of us fail at things. Whether it is a relationship, friendship, work expectation, maybe even a goal that is set for the day. I fail at something every single day. Some of my failures are small and others are huge.
I have goals and deadlines for projects to keep me on track. When I fail at meeting a deadline, then my goal of completion is pushed back. This may not sound like a failure to you. However, this can send me spinning and throw my week completely out of whack.
When I miss a deadline, my entire work timeline goes down the drain. I then have to take extra time, revisit the issue, and revamp my timeline. I failed and now I have to spend the time I don’t have to start over.
It’s all about how you see it
It feels horrible to fail, there is no way to make it seem positive when it’s not. My dad always said, “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” This means you can’t make something pretty out of something ugly. However, I do have two options when I fail. Option #1 is that I can beat myself up, feel bad and listen to my negative self-talk about how I do things. This option allows me to not be productive, want to give up on all of my current projects and can put me in a really bad mood. I spent many years doing this which affected my self-esteem and my relationships.
Option #2 is to view my failure as a pivot. This means that I need to stop and go in a different direction. I made one or many bad decisions along the way that caused me to miss my deadline. Whether it was poor time management, a decision to work on another project versus the current one, or another reason, I have to take a different direction. I need a clean slate with this project. Maybe I was going in the wrong direction or now isn’t the right time to move forward with it. I have to face this fact and know when to let go. If not I will stay stuck in a cycle. Once I realized that if I wanted a change I had to make different decisions. This allowed me to improve all areas of my life including relationships, work, and self-esteem.
How to make your pivot?
Have you failed at something you tried to do and felt stuck afterward? Think about your ability to pivot from this place. If it was a bad relationship, something you did wrong, or a goal that you didn’t accomplish, you are not stuck.
I’m grateful that I figured out how to pivot when I fail so that I was able to create the life I wanted. This process allowed me to make healthy decisions in relationships, work, and every area of my life. Here is how I turn failure into a pivot and you can too.
The only person in your way is you
This pivot process taught me that I can’t blame anyone or any situation for my failures. I do have the power to work through them and make new decisions. I hope that this process has helped you have better clarity about your goal, where you failed, and your opportunity to pivot.
You are in control of your life. You get to decide what happens next. You are the only person who can stop your forward progress. Get out of your own way and onto your next goal. Failure does not have the power to stop you.
Have you ever failed and made a pivot? How were you able to make the change you were looking for? What are your current goals that you are working on? Share them with me in the comment section below. Next week, I will share 10 reasons why you are enough.
You feel frustrated and irritated that you can’t accomplish your goals. You can’t figure out why you keep hitting a road block. Do you feel that you give it your all and you still can’t complete your goals? Have you thought about changing jobs? Have you tried to lose weight but can’t? Do you want to leave your unhealthy relationship but can’t decide what’s best?
Is your fear allowing you to remain stuck? If you are ready to take action to overcome your fear, and live your life, then these three steps are for you.
Step 1: Identify your fears
We consume an astounding amount of information daily from social media, the news, watching TV, and at work. Often, we don’t take the time to practice self-care and turn off our minds. This can cause your fears to grow in intensity because you don’t take the time to examine them. You are time poor and you are trying to survive day to day. However, you spend too much time over thinking your fears.
The first step is to identify your actual fears. I want you to think about what the voice inside your head is telling you. Think about what you really fear. Make a list of these fears. Don’t be lazy and avoid this, you have to list them out. Answer the following questions for each fear.
Step 2: What proof do you have that your fears will come true?
Now take your list of fears and get ready to examine the evidence or proof. If you had to go to court to prove your fear is real, would you win? Fear is based in the unknown so it is impossible to know what an outcome will be. That’s where you have to decide if you are ready to take a risk. Now that you better understand what your fear is you are ready to assess the risk.
The second step is to examine the proof you have that your fears will come true. Take your list and examine these questions with each fear. Write out your answers.
Step 3: Get on with your life and over your fears
Now comes the fun part. You have identified your fear and explored the likelihood that it probably won’t come true. You are ready to get on with your life. You are ready to break free from you fear that has kept you caged and stuck.
Here’s how you can move forward.
You can do this!
You have done harder things in your life than explore your fears. Look at all the things you have been through and you survived them. This means that you do have the strength to work through and overcome your fears. The next time you fear something, identify the specific fear, examine the proof behind the fear, and move through it. You deserve happiness and freedom, the only way to achieve this is to overcome your fears.
What did you fear in the past that you were able to overcome? How did you accomplish this? What are your current fears? Share them with me in the comment section below. Ready to take more action, be sure to sign up through email for new content.
You are time poor. There aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done that you want to accomplish. Your to-do list is growing by the minute and the plates you keep spinning seem to double in size. It’s likely that the last thing that you have time for is yourself.
What if I told you that it is possible to find an extra hour in the day just for you? This will take a little work but it will be worth it.
Do these two things first.
1st- Figure out your time vampires
These are the things that suck and drain your time. If you’re not sure what these are, then try keeping a list of every minute of your day for 24 hours. Be sure to account for all of your time. You will see there are people and things that you give to much of your time. Identify these things and begin to will cut them out or at least decrease the time you spend on them.
2nd- Stop taking on new things and trying to help everyone
It’s time for an intervention, enough is enough, and you can’t do it all. You do not have space to take on another new project at home or in your community. You can’t continue to be the one that jumps in to volunteer. You have to stop trying to save everyone from themselves. You have to stop over extending yourself.
Now get your time back
ADD 20 minutes
Get up 20 minutes earlier than you usually do.
Of course you want to sleep in, but if you want to create more time in the day this is a non-negotiable. Set your alarm 30 minutes earlier than your typical time so you have 10 minutes to wake up and 20 minutes to be productive. Wake up and enjoy the extra 20 minutes in your day. Take time for yourself, whether it’s reading something motivational or a devotional for the day. Maybe you just want 20 minutes of silence by yourself.
ADD 20 minutes
Cut down on your social media by 20 minutes.
You are wasting more time than you realize on social media. The minutes and hours slip by quickly when you are checking your accounts. Take the challenge of checking your Facebook, Twitter, or any social media twice per day for 15 minutes each time. That way you are only spending 30 minutes per day on social media versus checking it every time you pick up your phone.
Just cutting down on your use gives you at least 20 minutes of time to spend on doing something just for you. You will find it difficult and will need to catch yourself each time you pick up your phone. Look at your ability to limit this time and see how much better you feel. What if you spent the extra 20 minutes going for a walk or taking a bubble bath? Doing something that you often say you don’t have time to do.
ADD 20 minutes
Cut down the amount of times you check email.
You may not realize that you check your emails probably 10 or more times per day. Try to be more aware by decreasing the frequency of checking. There isn’t anything that requires life or death urgency to check emails multiple times each hour. What if you only checked your emails twice before lunchtime and twice before end of day? You could easily give yourself 20 more minutes each day just for you.
You decide how to spend your extra hour.
It doesn’t matter what you choose to do with your extra hour. If you choose to spend the hour watching TV or being unproductive, that is your choice. Just don’t use the excuse that you don’t have time for other things that make you feel more productive such as exercise, reading, reaching out to loved ones, or journaling. You do have time, it’s just how you use it.
How do you make time for yourself?
How do you make time for yourself? How do you create extra time in the day so that you keep yourself healthy. Share your comments in the section below. Thank you for checking out this post. If you enjoyed this article please share it on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In.
It can take a long time to build trust in a relationship, but it can be lost within a few minutes. It’s important that you have trust within yourself and your relationships. If you have ever struggled with trust in a relationship, here are 7 new ways to challenge your view of it.
1. Know the two types of trust.
There are two different types of trust: realistic and unrealistic.
Unrealistic trust is when you believe that you have 100% trust in another person, 100% of the time. Sorry to burst your bubble if you think you can trust another person all of the time. This is impossible because you and your partner are human, which means you both make mistakes that triggers trust issues.
Realistic trust means that your going to question behavior and actions at times. It doesn’t mean that you have to react or get emotional, when you have a concern. It means that you can discuss your concerns with your partner in an assertive and healthy way. Look at realistic trust as the “new normal” for trust. There will be things that your partner doesn’t tell you so accept this as fact. No one has a relationship where they tell one another everything all of the time. This doesn’t mean you or or partner are not transparent and open. It means that you both are individual people and don’t share every single thing with one another, this would be impossible to do.
The way to keep trust solid is to check in with one another. If you are able to speak with your partner, it’s easier to maintain the trust connection. This has to be done in an assertive, non-defensive, and logical way.
2. Give your definition of trust a makeover.
Merriam-Webster defines trust as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Also it defines trust as one in which confidence is placed.
How would you define trust and what does it mean to you?
I define trust as the consistency between what is said and what actions are taken. I also see trust as my ability to be vulnerable with someone and not getting hurt in the process of vulnerability.
I want you to consider creating a “new normal” for trust. It may look something like this. There isn’t one person who has a relationship that is 100% transparent, because that would be impossible. You and your partner aren’t going to tell one another everything, but your not going to do anything that will hurt the person either.
Trust isn’t all or nothing and it fluctuates throughout the day. This fluctuation depends on behaviors, actions, how we feel, and what occurs within the relationship. If it was all or nothing, then anytime you questioned if you trusted your partner then the relationship would end. If you are with your partner in anyway, then you trust them at least at a 1 out of 10. When trust and connection are strong it’s in the high numbers near 10, when something happens, it drops to the lower range. No one has a relationship where trust is at a 10 all of the time.
3. Get down to the real issue.
Regardless of what issue you are dealing with in your relationship, every one of them can lead back to trust. Think of trust as the root that holds the relationship in place. The root’s job is to stabilize the relationship and deliver nutrients to help it grow. If the root is damaged or doesn’t get nurtured then the relationship will not survive.
Have you ever felt that your partner doesn’t listen to you? This frustration may come from your thinking that they don’t value what you have to say. If you don’t feel valued and important, your trust in them decreases. This decrease in trust is very small but if trust is triggered in other ways, it slowly degrades.
Intimacy and trust move in tandem. This means that you can’t have one without the other. If trust decreases, then intimacy (a.k.a. your connection) decreases with it. If intimacy is strong, then trust is strong as well. Often, I hear someone tell me that they trust their partner but they don’t feel connected to them. I call them out on this thought because trust and intimacy are always together; if you connection is low then your level of trust is low as well.
Remember, trust fluctuates, daily and is affected by many things that you may not realize lead back to trust.
4. Care less how others view trust.
Maybe you reach out for support from friends or family when there is a trust issue within your relationship. However, they may view trust differently than you do. Don’t get stuck in their definition. You have to decide what is best for you first and foremost. They love you and don’t want to see you hurt, so they will tell you everything they can to help you hurt less. They are probably right in most cases, however, you have to be the one responsible for your decisions not them.
Be prepared to hear their opinions or feedback about how you’re handling the situation. Listening to their thoughts help you go through your own process of decision making. Just remember, that you have to be prepared to deal with your decisions and consequences, not them.
5. Deal with your past hurt.
Have you been cheated on or hurt in the past? Make sure that you are getting yourself healthy and repairing this past hurt. Projection is a powerful defense mechanism that can keep you stuck. Projection is when you take your own unacceptable qualities or feelings and blame them on someone else.
If you were hurt in a previous relationship, you may have feelings related to this. This is when you project these feelings and trust issues from past relationships onto your current relationship. Sure you are fearful and your baggage affects your ability to connect fully with your partner. However, this also pushes your partner away. Don’t make them pay the price for what someone else did to you. Get honest, get support, and heal your pain before it ruins your current relationship. Don’t let your past hurt determine your future.
6. Find out their willingness to improve trust.
Your partner has hurt you and caused you to lose trust in them. You may be trying to decide if you leave the relationship or stay. Before you decide what you need to do, there is another big decision that your partner has to make. Are they willing to do whatever it takes to heal the relationship?
Don’t get caught up in your decision making before you have heard theirs. You may be surprised to hear that your partner isn’t willing to put in the work and give the time to repair the damage. If they feel this way don’t ignore it or think they will change their mind. They are being honest, listen to them, get some space, and start a new journey. Don’t try to convince them or make them want to stay. They don’t want to and you can’t change them.
The only things that heals a relationship after trust is damaged is time and next right actions. Time has to pass after the event that damaged trust. As time passes and your partner does the next right thing, trust will repair but it takes both of you to work on healing.
7. Explore forgiveness.
In learning to trust again you need to explore forgiveness. Before you get emotional and say that you don’t have to forgive, stop, and think about your pain. Your heart hurts and feels broken, because of your their actions. The act of forgiveness is to help you not them. You aren’t being asked to consider forgiveness to pardon them or make them feel better. You are working on yourself and trying to heal the pain you feel.
Forgiveness looks different to everyone, but it’s more important of what it means to you. It won’t take away all of your hurt and it won’t make your partner do things differently. Forgiveness can give you the release that you have been looking for. It can unload the burden you have been carrying around. Forgiveness is a gift for you, not them.
How have you recovered from trust issues?
Trust is all you have…it’s your character. It is reinforced by your judgment, past actions, and behaviors. The goal is not to be malicious, deceitful, or hurt the person you care about. If we all stopped to ask, “If I do this, will it hurt or help my relationship?” before we took action, there is no telling how healthy our relationships would be.
How did you recover from trust issues? Share your comments in the section below. Thank you for checking out this post. If you enjoyed this article please share it on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In.
As females we learn how we should behave, think, talk, act, and live our life. These teachings come from our parents, family system, community we grow up in, and society as a whole. As we grow up, we form our own personal narrative of how we should conduct ourselves. I want to challenge your personal narrative of how you should live your life, especially if it isn’t helping you today.
Rule 1: You ‘should’ always say yes.
Break the Rule: Say no as much as you want to.
Do you dread having to say no or worry about what someone will think of you? It is common for women to have a difficult time saying no to people in their lives. Many women think that they will be seen as rude or not nice if they say no to those that make demands of their time. The struggle to say no can lead you to become a people pleaser. The idea of being a people pleaser seems nice, but it can lead to many personal issues that effect you and your relationships.
It is possible to say no in a pleasant way. To get started you have to give yourself permission to say no when someone asks you for something. If you continue to say yes to requests that you don’t want to do, you will begin to feel resentful and angry towards the person. This frustration will grow, while leading you to stuff and stack your feelings. Then you may even look for ways to numb or avoid what your feeling. For example, many women use food and other destructive behavior to deal with emotions versus face them.
Learning to say no is like riding a bike, once you start, it gets easier each time. Take a deep breath, say no when you want to, and begin to feel freedom.
Rule 2: Put your own needs last.
Break the Rule: Take care of yourself first, if you want to continue helping others.
You have probably heard the saying “You can’t pour from an empty tank”. This is what you need to remember when you think about prioritizing your needs as a woman. You have many different roles such as a wife, partner, girlfriend, mother, stepmother, daughter, sister, friend, and employee just to name a few. These roles demand a vast amount of your time and emotional energy.
Woman typically find themselves in a nurturing role and are the one who takes care of those around them. If you continue to take care of everyone around you first with the idea of caring for your own needs last, you will be on track to burn out leaving you unable to take care of anyone.
You have to take are of yourself first. Start by knowing what your needs are emotionally, spiritually, physically, and intellectually. Even if you are only able to spend 20-30 minutes a day caring for these needs, it’s better than nothing.
Rule 3: Don’t speak your mind.
Break the Rule: Speak your mind as much as you would like, but don’t be aggressive or passive aggressive.
If you don’t speak up about what you feel, think, or need then there is no one to blame but yourself. Whether it is at work, school, in your relationship or friendship, it is imperative that you voice your thoughts at the appropriate times. Don’t live a life of regret and wish you had spoken up.
This doesn’t give you permission to say anything you want at anytime. Also, avoid coming across as aggressive or passive aggressive. There is a lot of power in your words and voice, so you it to help you get your needs met.
Get started by identifying what barriers keep you from speaking up. Make a plan to remove or change the barrier that blocks you and start practicing. Be assertive and stand by your words. The easiest way to start this is with an “I” statement. For example, “I think/feel/want/need/would like…” You can get better at saying no, but you have to start now.
Have you broken these rules? How did it help you improve your life?
Everyone has different personalities, behaviors, and ways of handling themselves. Maybe you have already broken these rules and found what works best for you. Maybe you are ready to start living your life by saying no, prioritizing your needs, and speaking up. Wherever you are in your self-growth, don’t give up because the more you practice this, the easier it gets.
How do you feel about these rules? Share your comments in the section below. Thank you for checking out this post. If you enjoyed this article please share it on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In.
Do you sometimes avoid trying because you are fearful that you will fail? You may view failure as something to avoid at all cost. I want to challenge how you view failure and help you use failure as an opportunity.
You will likely fail a few times before you ultimately reach your goals. To counteract your excuses for giving up, here is a reality check for when you fail.
1. You can’t avoid failure
You have goals in your life that you want to accomplish, whether they involve your career, relationship, finances, hobbies, or other areas important to you. Your goals require hard work and multiple attempts. Expect that you will fail at least once, if not many times. Stop viewing failure as something that is completely unavoidable. If you begin to accept the idea that you will possibly fail, you can view it as a bump in the road not the end of your journey. A bump in the road is temporary, so is failure.
2. Failure is your opportunity to pivot
What if you looked at failure in a different way? Failure can give you a new opportunity. If you fail at something then you have a chance to change your approach. Failing gives you the chance to pivot or change direction. Now you can attempt in a different way. Think of failure as a new opportunity, change how you view it, and make it work for you versus against you.
3. You have been through harder times
Failing at a goal can make you feel horrible and down in the dumps. When life gets complicated, it can feel like the walls around you are caving in. If you feel like giving up, remember that you have been through harder times than this. Think about all of the negative and hard times in the past that you have been able to recover from. You have gained experience and strength from your past.
4. You are an extraordinary person; so don’t expect to live an ordinary life.
Do you wonder ‘why me’? Do you feel that you have to work twice as hard as others at your goals? You have been through an enormous amount of hurt, pain, and hardships. You have the ability to feel on a deeper level than others. You know that success is out there, but you have a hard time taking the action to achieve it. You never stop setting goals for yourself. You know what you are capable of and this is what keeps you motivated. Don’t expect to be an extraordinary person and have an ordinary life. Being the extraordinary person you are is a gift, not a curse.
How do you handle failure?
Everyone handles failure differently, but I challenge you to look at failure as a new opportunity, and not the end of your journey to reach your goals. How do you handle failure? Do you often give up on your goals or do you work to stay motivated to keeping going? Feel free to share any that you think would be helpful for others to know in the comment section below. Thank you for checking out this post.
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Are you looking to find your best life? You do have the ability to improve the relationship with yourself and others. Let me help you along the way.
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